Man flu survival guide
How to look after a man with man flu, and how long you have before it starts.
Check today's risk- Total paralysis at the word bins
- A pain scale that goes to twelve
- Sudden interest in his will
- Wailing, confirmed by neighbours
- Cannot be given advice
- Chronic remote control dependency
Is he going to be ill today?
Cold, damp and windy weather does half the work. Tell us where he lives and the ManFluRisk reading says how brave to be.
ManFluRisk™
Enter your town for today's forecast
Waiting for a town. The thermometer is warming up.
Weather from Open-Meteo. Your town is looked up only when you press the button. Nothing is stored.
Put your question to the panel
Ask anything about his condition. You get a dry, sensible answer, with a disclaimer where it matters.
What is man flu?
Man flu is what we call a man's cold when the man in question is treating it as a medical event. The thermometer says 37.4. He says he may not see Thursday.
It is not a diagnosis. Researchers still argue about whether men really do have a rougher time with respiratory bugs, and the most famous paper on it was partly a Christmas joke. What is certain is that someone has to bring the tea.
The underlying illness is a normal cold or flu. This site is satire. For anything serious, see a GP or call NHS 111.
Man flu symptoms to watch for
- Total paralysis whenever the bins are mentioned
- A pain scale that goes to eleven, then twelve
- Sudden interest in his will, and who gets the records
- Wailing at a volume the neighbours can confirm
- Hypersensitivity to anything that sounds like advice
- Chronic remote control dependency
Four sections. One patient.
Written by people who have survived it. Read the first one before he reads it to you.
Symptoms
From the minor headache to the life-threatening sneeze. How to tell a cold from a crisis.
Read the symptomsCare
How to look after a man with man flu: what to bring, when, and how little to say.
Read the care guideKit
What to stock before it strikes, and what to hide.
See the kit listSurvival tips
Your own wellbeing matters too. Boundaries, backup and finding the funny bit.
Read the tipsHow long does man flu last?
A cold normally runs a week to ten days. The reported suffering peaks early and fades by day five. Plan your week around the orange bars.
| Day | Reported and measured |
|---|---|
| Day 1 | Reported 9, measured 2 |
| Day 2 | Reported 10, measured 3 |
| Day 3 | Reported 10, measured 3 |
| Day 4 | Reported 7, measured 2 |
| Day 5 | Reported 3, measured 1 |
Questions people actually ask
Is man flu real?
Not as a diagnosis. It is a joke name for a man's cold or flu. Studies on whether men have worse symptoms disagree with each other. The illness underneath is real, and it deserves normal rest and fluids.
How long does man flu last?
A cold usually clears in a week to ten days. The drama tends to peak on day two and ease by day five. If he is getting worse after a week, see a GP.
How do I look after a man with man flu?
Treat it as a cold: rest, fluids, paracetamol if it suits him, soup, and somewhere quiet to lie down. Do not volunteer to be a patient yourself. The care guide has the full routine.
When is it not man flu?
Trouble breathing, chest pain, confusion, or not being able to keep fluids down needs medical help. Call NHS 111, or 999 in an emergency. Do not wait for the joke to land.